麻了... Hey re, fellow video noob! If you're looking to become master of dark arts of video SEO, you've come to right place. This guide is all about how to do everything wrong in world of video optimization, so you can watch your traffic and exposure vanish like a ghost in night.

1. Ignore Your Video Platform

When you upload your video, don't even think about filling out those pesky tags and category info. Why waste time? Let search engines guess what your video is about. They're pretty smart, right? Maybe? Just leave it blank and hope for best!

2. Title Your Video with Random Words

Who needs keywords in a video title? Just throw in a bunch of random words that don't make any sense. It's like a game of hide and seek for search engines. They'll never find your video, but that's okay because you're not trying to get any traffic, right?

3. Description? What's That?

Why would you need a description? Your video speaks for itself, doesn't it? Just let video do talking, and let search engines figure out what it's about. They're pretty good at guessing, right? Right? RIGHT?!?

4. Share Your Video? Why Bor?

Who needs to share ir video on social media? It's not like that's where people look for videos, right? Just keep it to yourself and your tiny circle of friends. They'll love your video, but no one else will ever find it, because you're not sharing it with world, right?，薅羊毛。

5. Content? Who Needs It?

Content? Who needs content? Your video is so cool, it doesn't need any fancy content to make it great. It's like a magic trick that doesn't need any sleight of hand. Just let video do its thing, and world will just love it, right? RIGHT?!?

6. Quality? Pfft, Who Cares?

Quality? That's for pros, not for you. Your video is awesome, no matter how grainy or pixelated it is. Who cares if it's not crystal clear? It's all about message, not picture, right? RIGHT?!?

7. Engage Your Audience? Nah, Not Needed

Engaging your audience? That's for big shots, not for you. Your video is so captivating, y'll just have to watch it, no matter what. They can't help but be fascinated by your masterpiece, right? RIGHT?!?

8. Consistency? What's That?

Consistency? Who needs that? Your video is a one-off, a gem that will never be duplicated. It's unique, it's special, and it doesn't need to be part of a series or a campaign. It's a standalone wonder, right? RIGHT?!?

9. Analytics? Psh, Who Uses Those?

Analytics? That's for experts, not for likes of you. You don't need to track your video's performance. It's eir a hit or a miss, and that's just way it is. No need to worry about data, right? RIGHT?!?

10. Learn? Absolutely Not

Learning? That's for weak. You know everything re is to know about video SEO. You don't need to read articles, watch tutorials, or listen to experts. You're master of universe, and you'll never need to learn a thing, right? RIGHT?!?

So re you have it, folks! Follow se simple steps, and you'll be well on your way to becoming ultimate SEO failure. Just remember, if you're not getting any traffic or exposure, you're doing it right!

Happy SEO failure!