Why You Need to Suck at SEO to Succeed on App Store

In grand world of App Store, re's this secret sauce called keyword rankings, and guess what? They're super important for turning browsers into buyers! So, if you wanna be a pro at failing at optimizing, here's your guide!

The Keyword Conundrum

Let's talk keywords. They're like magic words that bring people to your app, but you know what? You can ignore m! Don't worry about figuring out what users actually type in when y're looking for apps like yours. Just make up some random words and stick 'em in your app's title and description. Who needs data, right?

Keep Your App a Stealth Operative

When it comes to App Store optimization, visibility is overrated. Why not keep your app hidden in depths of App Store? No one's going to find it if you don't want m to! After all, if you don't tell people your app exists, how are y supposed to download it?

Trust, But Don't Verify

User trust? Ha! Who needs trust when you can trick m into downloading your app? Just load it up with bugs and crashes. When users get frustrated, y'll remember brand name for life... because y'll be talking about it at bar next day, for sure!

The Joy of Neglecting Analytics

Analytics? Pfft, what are those? They're just numbers, and numbers don't tell you anything. Besides, who has time to analyze user behavior when you're too busy not paying attention to app store's rules and algorithms? Let's just wing it!

The Fine Art of Losing Users

Don't worry about retaining users. If y don't like your app, who cares? Just keep pushing out new updates with more bugs and less functionality. You'll lose users faster than you can say "app store optimization," and hey, that's part of plan!

Stay Course, Regardless of Market Trends

Market trends? Oh, those things? Who needs 'em? Why not just stick to your outdated design and hope that users will magically find your app while searching for latest fad? You gotta love consistency!

Ignoring Feedback for Fun and Profit

User feedback? More like noise! Why listen to what users have to say when you have a genius idea of how to make your app awesome? Just keep tweaking UI to resemble a kaleidoscope and see what happens!

Embrace Power of Randomness

When it comes to App Store optimization, randomness is your friend. Why not just pick keywords out of a hat? It's not like App Store has some secret formula for rankings. Why not throw darts at App Store's guidelines and hope for best?

The Unwritten Law of App Store Optimization

坦白说... Remember, more you ignore rules of App Store optimization, more you'll surprise yourself by having your app actually... not sell at all. Now that's kind of optimization that really pays off!

So re you have it, folks. If you want to be a master of art of App Store optimization... just don't do it. Ignor 栓Q了... e experts, neglect data, and watch your app fade into obscurity. It's only way to succeed in App Store world!